


by the throat

by skittlesjedward



Category: Jedward, X Factor (UK) RPF
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Emotional Manipulation, Incest, Jedcest, M/M, Minor Violence, Physical Abuse, Twincest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-14
Updated: 2014-06-14
Packaged: 2018-02-04 15:45:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1784506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skittlesjedward/pseuds/skittlesjedward
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>John doesn’t get it, and Edward is tired.</i>
</p><p>Titles taken from By The Throat by CHVRCHES.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. a warning shot

It was so mild and natural that John is surprised he even remembers it.

They are sitting on the bed, sorting out fan mail, they’d had a day off and were also free the next day, they’d just watched a movie… and, just like that, Edward pauses in the middle of opening a large envelope, looking up at him and slaps him on the side of the head, getting back to his task at hand before John even has time to say ‘ow’.

Nothing more was said and nothing odd happened for weeks and weeks, it wasn’t a particularly hard slap, they hit and shove and wrestle each other all the time, but Edward wasn’t smiling and that’s how he knew something was different.


	2. do it again, again

They were on a TV show.  
  
John tries hard, so hard, to make the presenters like them, to make the audience get them, eventually he tries to stand up for himself and for Edward… but none of it works.  
  
Things are different in the UK. The jokes are barbed, sharp, and John can feel Edward’s arm tensing up against him every time the audience laughs. He can’t speak fast enough for what his mind is trying to say, that’s all. The more worked up he gets trying to explain himself, the more he can feel Edward’s disappointment, a thick and heavy cloud descending over their heads. Occasionally he speaks up, overrides John’s voice with a quick and caustic interjection and John feels relief momentarily for his brother’s wit but then he catches a glimpse of Edward beside him and is unable to decipher his expression. He hates feeling so stupid, so lost, but there is nothing more he can do when the audience has already made up their mind.   
  
It’s when they are back in the dressing room that it happens, and John was only trying to understand what exactly it was that had upset Edward the most, because if it was him, that just wasn’t fair, and John needed to know that it wasn’t. Edward hasn’t even answered him, instead he just gives another one of those looks and John feels cold all over and the back of his throat gets itchy like it was when he wanted to cry. “I’m sor-” he starts to say, and then Edward slaps him.  
  
Just once, just across the face, but it stings and the humiliation is worse. John’s face burns and he is surprised and upset all the same. Tears gather in his lashes but he wills them away, steels himself and squares his shoulders, confronting Edward head-on with his gaze. “Get your jacket on, we have to go,” is all Edward says, and then he is gone.


	3. all that's golden is never real

Edward left a bruise.  
  
It takes John a moment for the realisation to fully soak in, and once it has, he feels nauseous. The times that they truly got to be alone - as in, apart and alone - were few and far between, and that makes John ever more thankful for showers, blessing every second of the twenty or thirty minutes he can have to himself every morning or evening. In the shower, he can try to tell himself that crying doesn’t matter; it’s all water. The tears slip down his face as he tips his head under the spray, and then just like that, they’re washed away. He doesn’t quite know what he’s crying about. It’s all mashing up into one big lump in his throat. His stomach is in knots and keeps twisting, wrenching - it  _hurts_ , and he doesn’t know how he’s going to cover up those marks on his upper arm, but no. No, it’s okay, it’s fine, he has a new jumper he wants to wear anyway. He’ll let the water in his eyes a bit more and put the hairdryer on so he can blow his nose a few times before he actually gets ready, and if Edward asks, he’ll just say ‘shampoo’ and that’ll be that.   
  
He’s quiffed and dressed within the hour and Edward is still in bed, thumbing through tweets on their phone, and John already knows Edward doesn’t feel like going out this morning. It’s not like he can read Edward’s mind, he just knows. And he tells himself it doesn’t matter, but it does, and when the fans ask about Edward he doesn’t say anything, because he doesn’t know what Edward would want him to say, and it’s not like he can read Edward’s mind, because he just doesn’t know.


End file.
